Boost Your Kindness Quotient with Energy Practices

( by Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP) Most people recognize the value of kindness in their lives, giving and receiving generosity, consideration and friendliness. Research shows that kindness raises endorphins, reducing pain, enhances serotonin production, responsible for relaxation, happiness, and wound healing, and promotes oxytocin production, that reduces blood pressure, enhances heart health, and creates a surplus of loving feelings ( Even watching others behave in a kind fashion can make you feel good. You are then more likely to pay it forward to others, resulting in a “helper’s high” through being kind.

Though most would like to think of themselves as kind, there are circumstances and qualities that deter kindness, such as being under a time crunch, having conflicting needs, stress induced narrow thinking, and having negative thoughts about yourself. Energy practices can be used to boost your kindness quotient, making it more likely that kindness is part of your daily life.

Time Demands

It has been found that generous people are less likely to behave in a kind fashion when they are rushed or late to an appointment. Modern life seems to be speeding up, and with more people working remotely, work and private time seem to blend, decreasing the sense of relaxed spaciousness and leisure. As a result, people may be less likely to express acts of kindness.

Suggestions: One answer is to slow down. Energy practices, including energy psychology techniques, grounding and centering, and energy medicine approaches, bring you into the present moment. As well, deliberate breathing exercises, and focused intention can yield greater patience and awareness, increasing the chances of noticing kindness in others, and going beyond just thinking of being kind, but actually doing so. You might find these techniques of value for yourself or others: calm breathing, simplified self-havening, and/or breathing into balance.

Conflicting Needs

It is easy to be kind when your needs and desires are aligned with those of others. It is more difficult to be kind when cross purposes arise, from mild misunderstandings to full blown arguments. Likewise, you may want to be kind, but your act of giving to others may be seen as harmful to you in some way (or visa versa). For instance, offering an olive branch may lead to perceived or actual increased conflict, rather than peace making.

Suggestions: Being kind in the presence of conflicting needs requires creative problem solving. There may be a solution that is not obvious at first, one that satisfies the needs of both parties. Buying time by delaying action may also solve the problem. Perspective helps, taking a step back, as not all situations are remedied by kindness. Success is found more easily when objections to change, or blocks, have been discovered. Examples of blocks to kindness are, “If I am kind to Mary, she will get away with breaking the rules” or, “If I receive kindness, I’ll be seen as weak, and I may lose my competitive edge”. Using energy psychology to treat these blocks or obstacles may be a preliminary step forward, so kindness can be offered even when multiple needs seem to conflict.

Tunnel Vision

When you are stressed, in fight, flight, freeze or flop mode (run, fight, hide, play “dead”), in order to survive your senses become hyper focused, noticing limitation rather than possibility. Immediate detail becomes prominent, often accompanied by “what could possibly go wrong” mentality. You are less likely to generate creative solutions, or to trust the motivations of others, even if they are trying to be kind to you, misreading the signs around you. Kindness is less likely to be offered.

Suggestions: Energy practices can correcting the body’s tendency under stress to manifest polarity imbalances and neurological disorganization. When your energy is running optimally, all other systems are enhanced. Then you can apply your natural creative and intuitive tendencies to think broadly and consider multiple perspectives. Giving and receiving kindness flows from a state of safety, trust and perceived abundance. If you feel scrambled, using these energy techniques may create greater balance: the cross crawl/cross over shoulder pull, brain balancer, or balanced hook up.

Negative Self-Talk

We tend to be more critical of ourselves than others are of us. The inner voice that tells us what is wrong and why things can’t work arises more often than many realize. Sometimes this mode of speaking to oneself is so common, it goes unnoticed until and unless we slow down and pay attention. Thoughts like, “Why should I be kind to them when they don’t appreciate me?” or “What do I have to give to others, anyhow?”, stop us from finding out what happens after kindness is chosen as a social option. We can quiet the negative inner voice by offering kindness to ourselves instead.

Suggestions: Practice kindness self-talk, combined with negative self-talk such as that used in Emotional Freedom Techniques and other energy practices. For instance, “Even though I can be by own worst critic, I completely and totally love and accept myself.” Stating opposing yet truthful statements sets up a contrast that the brain must resolve. If it is true that I have negative statements about myself or others, and that I am a loving person, then there may be room for me to shift my belief that I am only capable of negative self-talk. While simultaneously tapping on the meridian endpoints, these statements offer a calming balm to body, mind and spirit, opening the door to new possibilities. This video shows how to practice Simple Emotional Freedom Technique.

Boost Your Kindness Quotient

It pays to enhance our kindness quotient, as kindness is positively related to increased self-regulation and decreased emotional reactivity, two factors that allow our better selves to appear. Our loved ones, workplace community, and the general public all benefit. When we slow down, reduce conflict, broaden our perspective and adopt positive thoughts, we are more open to seeing ourselves and others as doing the best we can given the circumstances. Then we can offer and accept kindness as the gift that it is.


Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP is a licensed psychologist in Westlake Village, California, USA. Lori is president-elect of ACEP (, and chairs ACEP’s Communications Committee. She is certified in Comprehensive Energy Psychology, and is a Reiki master. Learn more about Dr. Hops at You can visit her Facebook page for A Tip A Day for Wellness Program at


  1. Thank you for the handouts and videos. They are clearly defined and will help my clients.

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